inLUST ; weTRUST

Friday, September 10, 2004

``_____.*A lil' figHt neBer hUrtx (>.<).#

When Joel and I decided to go with each other, I knew right away I wanted to fall in love with him.

We'd been together for one week when we got into our first argument. I have no idea what we disagreed about, but I do remember everything about the fight. It happened when we were sitting together at a basketball game for my school. He just got up and stormed out of the gym. Like I said, I don't remember what was said, or why he left, but he did.

After he left, I sat there, not knowing what to do. At first I was just confused over what happened, but the next moment my heart ached at the thought of being on the outs with him. I wanted to tell him that I was so sorry, that I didn't mean whatever it was i did, or whatever it was i said. So I ran after him to tell him. He kept walking away. So I wrapped my arm around him and told him that I was sorry. But he pretended I wasn't even there, too cool to notice that I was even living on the same planet - much less had my arms wrapped around him.

Finally, I just gave up, let go and let him walk away. Besides, I didn't know what to do or say to him to get him to forgive me. I slowly walked back into the gym not wanting to talk to anyone. Staring at the ground, so my hair would hide the tears trailing down my face, I made my way back to the spot where he and I had been sitting right before our argument. Within minutes, he came back in too, and stood with his friends, not far away. I felt like running over and giving him a big hug to tell him I loved him and how sorry I was. But I just sat down where it had all started, wiping my eyes and peeking up at him. I really didnt know what else to do.

He walked over and sat down next to me, then grabbed my hand and just held it. We didnt say anything for a while, then he said, "I'm sorry. It was all my fault." Well, he was so sweet, I couldnt just let him take all the blame, so i said, "No, I'm sorry. It was my fault - a misunderstanding."

That was our first argument, our first fight. It was also the night of our first kiss. A kiss I will always cherish. Joel and i have been going out for more than four months now and we've had many arguments. As i've gotten to know Joel better, it seems like I've also gotten to know myself better, too. I've also learned what to say when we're having an argument - the truth. Sometimes the truth calls for an apology, but then again, sometimes the truth means not taking the blame for something that isnt my fault. I guess now that our relationship isnt brand-new, I'm secure enough not to feel like i have to anymore. Just a few days ago Joel told me, "We may fight alot, but we sure make up beautifully." I have to agree witrh him on both points.

9:34 PM Z